Confidence

Listening a talk, I reminded of an incident, a story from my own life. A point of time that was little glimpse of me as a person, my confidence.

I guess it must be year 1988, I was in fifth grade. There used to be a prestigious entrance test conducted in those times for the selection to study in Navodaya Vidyalaya (School). It was a govt. funded boarding school where the students were selected from each district on the basis of entrance test. I was appearing for the test too.

On the day of the test, we went to the centre. We were seated on floor and were given our test sheets and question papers. We were to right answers in separate answer sheets. There were invigilators from govt. schools doing round while the children were sitting and doing their exam. Incidentally, one of my mother’s colleague was also on duty during exam. She came walking around and looked into what I was doing. I kept on with my exam.

After a while, she again came and looked into my answer sheet. She couldn’t resist herself and mentioned to me that one my answer is wrong and that I should correct it. I was surprised because as per my calculations, my answer was right. So, I did not bother.

She came back again and prompted me again to change my answer saying that she has looked at other children’s sheets and all of them have a different answer. So, I checked again. And yet again my answer was the correct answer. So, I reversed my pencil and acted as if I was correcting the answer. She was satisfied that she helped me well and finally left me alone!

I completed my paper and before handing it over remembered the sum well. As soon as i came out, I told papa the sum and asked him what will be the answer. he gave me the answer and I was jumping with joy because my answer was right. Mom and papa couldn’t understand why I was so happy and joyous. So, I narrated them the entire story and that I did not change my answer.

That was me in fifth grade. That was my confidence and my ability to take chance. And the result? I was selected for the school.

Back then, I wasn’t infested with doubt, the killer of confidence. I did come across doubt later in life and let it fill me with gloom and darkness. But a spark inside from my childhood always saw me through. And now, that I remember this story, this moment of utter confidence; it fills me with more light. This knowing will always be with me and I will remember this part of me. A little confident, cheeky girl who very smartly fooled a grown up .

We all have these moments and stories about us, which are our repertoire of life experiences to reach back to in the time of need. Go, on. Make your memory albums that will elevate you, give you light.