Why would you fail again with new year resolutions?

When do you need a Coach and why?
January 15, 2021
Parenting Paradox
January 20, 2021

Here again, comes the time of the year when we will have a good look back on the year gone by and start thinking and wishing for what’s coming up ahead. We shall be ready to welcome the new year, make some new resolutions, and do something great (that we have not been able to do for umpteen years!).

Well I do not want to be the Grinch in your Christmas, but, I must tell you something!

All those resolutions that you are thinking of, don’t make them. Because you will again fail at keeping them.

Don’t frown at me for telling the truth. Have you not been failing all these years?

I know, I know, you mean well. You will also begin with high energy. You will also keep positive mindset. But then, something will come up. You will get busy, or you might get distracted, or you might be put on some project that will make it impossible for you to work on your goals. I totally get you. I have been there.

So, what do we do? Let’s not make any resolutions this year.

Or,

Let’s stop for a while and look into this resolution business and our patterns of not keeping up. This knowing that doing something is what you want, and it is also good for you; still you do not seem to bring yourself to do it; has a name. It is called procrastination. And believe it or not, procrastination is also a pandemic nothing less than covid-19. I haven’t met anybody till date who have not or do not experience procrastination. In fact, to my utmost surprise, I found that even those who consider themselves to be aware and conscious are not immune to procrastination.

So, my curiosity led me to explore into the depth of this phenomena with the help of fellow coaches and clients. And I would like to share with you what I have come to understand about it. I call it a three point check for procrastination.

These three points are: Head, Heart, and Body.

For you to make any change possible within yourself these three need to agree and work together. What is commonly observed in procrastination is an inner chatter where one part reminds and pushes you towards the task you set out for yourself, and another part takes you away from it by presenting other priorities or alternatives or more alluring reasons to not do it in the moment. If you pay attention to this inner communication, you will identify the nature of it and find out the relationship these parts have within your system.

Let me present you an analogy to clarify it. Consider that the nature of mind is like air, it moves faster, goes in all directions possible and is not easy to contain in one space. Nature of Heart is like water, it flows and has to have a path to flow i.e. when it has a space to flow to, otherwise it stays put. Nature of body is solid that will like to stay in a place until some force or energy moves it. It would not like to change its shape (mostly) and will move at a slow pace. It would also vary as to your body is in the state of a rock, a malleable metal, or sand.

Give a little time to these three parts that are your team members, understand what is truly their nature? How does you head functions? Is it clear and focused or hazy and spread out? Is it considerate and calm or is it like a tornado? How is your heart? Is it contained in its space or is it connected to the purpose or aim you have set out for? And is the space to go is a higher ground or lower (water always flows towards lower grounds)? Finally, what is your body like? What shape does it hold and what do you want it to become? What does it

already knows and what new it will have to learn? How much force or energy it needs to move?

Once you have identified the true nature of your team, you come to the most important piece i.e. the Relationship amongst your team members. Are they considerate of each other? Do they listen to each other? Do they collaborate or is it that somebody tries to take charge of the whole operation and rest follow? Is the conversation between them a dialogue or an argument? Are they truly expressing their needs and capabilities to others? Are they appreciative and encouraging towards each other? Are they aligned in their understanding of the objective?

Wow! is it overwhelming yet?

While we make the resolutions and try our best to keep up, all this dynamics is going inside you. So, my offer to you is that take a bit of time and understand: who is making these resolutions? Is it collaborative process or does mind take the lead? If you do that, you are closer to finding out whether you will be able to succeed this time and how?

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